Not the Same River

In my mind, this time we’re living in – the frenzied limbo in between what was our permanent lives and is just on the other side a 10-hour flight – feels almost like some weird AirBnB stay where you have (close to) all the comforts of home but things just seem subtly off, not really yours. In this experiential short-term rental that is our home and lives right now, we are taking trips within trips (and “trip” is definitely an apt word for how it all feels). Some is necessity, some is born out of a need (or at resolute desire) to check a place or person off the list of experiences.

Two days ago, Dylan left for a work trip to Wisconsin – where he is from. As such, he extended the trip to visit family and help his sister celebrate her 40th birthday. I’m happy he gets a chance to connect with family and have some time out of the house, away from the stressors of daily life. He has a lot to balance between working from home and trying to focus on work during our domestic chaos. But. . . it’s a whole week. In this strained time of life. But this is the timing of life, is it not? This trip came up barely two weeks ago, so it’s been just another layer of unpredictability to this move.

As for me, I got a little bee in my bonnet (my god, that sounds really unpleasant) with a desire to take Palmer camping all by myself. Admittedly, I was inspired by the YouTube channel we love to watch as a family, the Outdoor Boys. The creator, Luke Nichols, makes solo dispersed camping with toddlers and young children look like well, you know, doable! He doesn’t give the impression it’s easy, but he certainly pulls it off well and does it all on camera. So, I wanted to give it a try.

Dylan and I enjoy camping. Palmer loves it. We don’t go a lot, but in the last couple of years (since Palmer has been more and more independent) we have camped seven or eight times. In the years Dylan and I have been together, he always made the campfire. This, I knew, would be my challenge.

But backing up a bit here. . . seeing as we have limited time remaining and that I wanted to insert some unique experiences while Dylan was away (so that it went by a little faster), I decided Thursday to Friday was most suitable (this was also the day Dylan left). I found a great place to camp not too far away – O’Neill Regional Park in Orange County. Close to restaurants if I needed an out but isolated enough to feel special.

Except, it was nearly 100 degrees at the campsite when we arrived. The creek that users raved about a month ago had dried up. It was. . . not ideal. So, the local splash pad for the win! Palmer got to cool off and I didn’t have to come up with hot weather activities at a campsite. It was a sweet splash pad. All it needed was some tropical house music and it would have been like Ibiza for the preschool set – so much fun being had by all! But. . .he got hit in the face with a bucket and was the most pissed off I’ve ever seen him in his five years and one month on this planet, overshadowing the fact that he was having a super fun time until that moment. Ah well. Back to hot sweaty campsite.

I had already decided it was too hot for a campfire. Though I brought hot dogs to roast for an easy dinner, I didn’t bring a stove. So, a drive to a local restaurant for dinner sounded like heaven to me. It also meant I could avoid making that dreaded campfire. But no – Palmer wanted a hot dog (ok, ok – we’ll save some money by not eating out). And I knew I was just avoiding the challenge of the fire. So, after 30 minutes of tending to my kindling (Luke and Dylan make it look so easy! But it did get it to light eventually) and Palmer suddenly so, so hungry even though I had been asking him to eat more all day, I got the fire going (whew!). With hot dogs finally on skewers over the flames, I sat back for a moment and breathed a sigh of relief. Then Palmer emerged from his foray into the bushes and brambles covered in burrs and stickers, from the neck down to the end of his cotton shorts. So, here I am, sweating profusely in front of a campfire in 80-degree temps, roasting two hot dogs with one hand picking burrs out of his clothing with the other. Parenting joys for the win! I ate three hot dogs sans buns for dinner. That’s it. I was starving too.

Overall we had an enjoyable time, if not made a little less pleasant by the heat. I would totally go back to this campsite again (if we were staying!). It was clean, flat, lots of nice trees, with gravel and woodchips at the campsite instead of just dirt, clean bathrooms, hot showers (in contrast to a last-minute camping adventure we had the weekend before). We slept well. But I thought it was funny that without a moment of hesitation, when asked if he wanted to have another adventure that morning or go straight home, home was what Palmer wanted. So, we packed it in and were home by 9:30 in the morning.

So, while my camping was not quite at the level of the Outdoor Boys, I did it. It’s nice to prove these little things to yourself from time to time. There are so many unpredictable and unknowable things about life right now, choosing a challenge rather than having it thrust on you deepens one’s well of resilience and flexibility in a more low-stakes way. This is all good fodder for the challenges ahead in this move and life transition.

There are more trips within trips ahead in the 32 days – Palmer and I will fly to Oakland to spend time with my brother and his family up there. I’m also hoping we can fit in a quick overnighter to San Diego. We already packed in an intense little weekend trip to see family in Camarillo and Santa Barbara, where we camped in a hot, cramped campsite near Ojai (very cheap – allowing us to splash out on a nice dinner!).

So. . . onwards! Let the challenges roll in. But not too many at one time, please and thank you universe. No matter what happens, at least I know I can build a campfire.